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<p>昨天早上学校的毕业典礼结束之后，我想自己终于算是程序上完全毕业了。<br>也终于到了可以写跨越大学最后一篇的时候，只是我对毕业这件事好像已经基本没剩什么感觉了。</p>
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<p>去年六月离校，十月开始实习，四月完成论文返校答辩，上周完成双学位论文，到这周学校毕业典礼发毕业证学位证，只是因为自己还有很多事要做所以暂时还没法回学校。空间和身份上的转换对我而言似乎没有太大变化，唯一经历的不适感是因为个人可自由支配时间突然变少造成的不安。</p>
<p>还在学校的时候，有很多事情没曾想过也有很多事情没想明白。当时驱动自己的东西也很简单，或是真的喜爱，或是试图想要证明自己得到别人的认可与夸赞。离开学校之后虽也是一个人居住，但环境上开始时的生疏给了自己更多的时间能够把自己隔离开来了解和追问自己，从小问题到大问题。就如为什么要做每件事，为什么自己总在感到不安，我的能力有提升吗，为什么会经常对自己感到不满和自卑，什么对我来说才真的重要，我想追求的到底是什么。这些大大小小的问题关系着自己处理每一件事做每一个决定，还有晚上能否睡的着。技艺上的精进能够让我收获很单纯的开心，比如编程技术、设计水平或者是弹吉他，但这只是经历付出之后收到正向反馈的短期成就感，放到更短的时间长度之内可能和一盘游戏也并无差异，只是依然没有办法持久的缓解我对自己更长时间段上的焦虑。</p>
<p>幸运的是遇到了很多方面值得自己学习和引发自己思考的人（师傅），加之自己身边发生的事让我感受到之前觉得还离自己很远的事可能距离也没那么远。虽然很多问题的答案依然是想不明白，但有些问题阶段性的答案的的确确变得更清楚了，我也能感受到自己的心态在产生变化。见到了更多人的选择和生活方式，虽然不会再像以前一样啧啧称奇，但让我越发想去了解更多的人，看到更多的可能。</p>
<p>实习到现在已经八个月了，没有意外的话周一就会签入职合同正式入职了。回想起自己最近几年的生活依然会觉得非常神奇，总让我会想要感激每一次幸运的偶然，但也相信每一件事绝非只是偶然。站在以前的时间节点上我想不到现在的自己，这挺好也挺不好，但让我期待在以后的某一天，假想今天的我朝后面的我看过去，会更强烈的惊叹，这一切都太神奇了。</p>
<p>2018.06.22 - Ordinary graduation day, fantastic 4 years.</p>
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