Microwave Pasta.txt

Eating a bland meal in front of a green screen? Preparing pasta for a husband who's lost interest in you? He loves pasta, but your pasta's never good enough for him. What are you supposed to do?
Don't worry, ladies! It's me, Chef Hitler-Mustache, here to eat your pasta, eat your pussy, and if you play your cards right, I'll eat your ass, and this spaceship-looking motherfucker is the Pasta N More.
It's the 5-in-1 perect pasta cooker. Any samurai worth their salt will tell you uncooked noodles are sharp. Sheath those bad boys in our gun holster on the side to protect you and your family.
It cooks, it strains, it serves, and unfortunately you can't find it at stores, because all those deals fell through, no one wanted this piece of shit, so you can only find this on TV and in your nightmares.
Place it in the microwave with the noodles, strain it, and then it's time to serve. You'll be whipping up spaghetti, panini, and tricolor fusilli like it ain't no big dealie. All fast and easy.
Oh, goodness, what is that repugnant smell? Smelling like two soiled assholes fighting over sewage. Oh, it's just because you left your fucking wig in the pot again.
"Perfect temperature technology", AKA water in a microwave! It's never been done before, and I can promise you your kids will have no idea where they got radiation poisoning from.
Step back! That's delicate ravioli. There's no rips or tears here, so go ahead and put that blanket on it.
Penetration.
Great camera angle. Large capacity! You've got it all. Cook a little, or you can cook a lot. Cool-touch handles that are also BPA-free! And look at that Mac and Cheese, that's flavor-free. It's a convenient all-in-one design.
But here is the "More". The "More" is Disappointment. You could have called this Pasta N Disappointment, but Pasta N More sounds a lot better from a marketing perspective.
Cook up a lot of disappointing meals. Make sure your family knows where all the sadness is coming from. It's from the Pasta N More, baby!
Make S'mores pie. Make kids cry. Because there's no flavor here. Pasta N More. Get it now!